A Year In The Life: One-Shots
by JoyfulHeartEO
Summary: One-shots of extended or missing scenes from the Revival. I loved every second of the four episodes because I thought the ASP was true to herself and what she wanted. These are just moments I thought could have been added or random ideas I came up with. Won't be a continuing story, just snippets from different parts of the show as the ideas come to me. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**So I binge watched the Revival of course. I laughed, I cried, I got mad and I cried some more. All in all though I thought it was beautiful. I thought Lauren Graham was amazing (as were all the actors) but her performance really struck a chord with me. And of course my JavaJunkie heart was overjoyed by that end. There were moments where I was afraid but I kept the faith that ASP would not leave us hanging with our favorite beloved couple.**

 **I was conflicted yesterday about writing about the Revival. But, this morning I woke up with my mind buzzing with ideas. I decided not to do a full story about it, but rather one-shots of ideas from the whole thing. Little extensions on scenes, missing parts I would have liked to see, things like that.**

 **This first one-shot comes from the flashback to Richard's funeral. I thought it was sweet that Digger was there to pay his respects...but in my honest opinion there was someone else who should have been there more than him. Though it may have been awkward at first, I think it would have made more sense. So this is what I came up with for that, to help us find closure in a certain love triangle and to show how the characters have grown since the end of season 7. I hope you like it. There will be more as I continue to watch the Revival again to get more ideas and I haven't give up on my "If you Ever Want To Fall In Love" either. That will be updated asap. Love you guys!**

 **All in all I thought the Revival was beautiful and I am very grateful that it happened. If anyone wants to discuss it hit up my inbox and we can talk about our feelings about it!**

* * *

Luke watched Lorelai navigate through the crowds of people with ease. Always with a smile, a handshake, a hug, a word of thanks. She was strong. She was a pillar. But he knew underneath she was hurting in ways she would never be able to express. Despite her difficult relationship with her parents, Richard meant so much to her. And now that he was gone, he knew that a lot was going to change for her, for all of them.

He wasn't good with funerals or death in general. He didn't handle things well. In this case he felt the need to fix things around Emily's house. In his mind that was the best way to say he was there and willing to do whatever. His relationship with Emily was complicated. Over the years he had built a pretty good rapport with Richard and it had become comfortable. But Emily was a tougher nut to crack. Now he wasn't sure what would happen for all of them or if Emily would try and push him out again.

No matter what though, he was going to be by Lorelai's side.

With a heavy sigh, he walked over to Lorelai and placed a hand on her lower back. "Hey…"

She turned expecting to see another vaguely familiar face. Her smile was bright, her posture was perfect. But when she registered his face, those walls went down, at least slightly. She smiled and leaned into him, "Hi."

He pulled a lock of her hair, "How you holding up?"

"I'm…" She smiled and shrugged, "I'm fine."

He nodded and leaned forward to kiss her cheek, "You always are."

Sighing she turned and saw her Mother in a roundabout conversation with a distant cousin. Someone probably trying to root around for news on the will. "I should-"

He nodded and rubbed soothing circles on her lower back, "I know. I'm here. Not going anywhere."

She took a deep breath and smiled at him, "Thank God for that." Leaning forward she kissed him gently and then began to walk away; she turned back to him and smiled, "Don't get on a ladder today okay? I saw you eyeing those rain gutters…"

He laughed, "Okay. I'll save those for another day."

She nodded once and stepped back, "You're a good man Danes."

He smiled and watched her walk towards her Mother before turning and walking out into the backyard. He did want to look at the rain gutters, he wouldn't fix them today but he'd assess the damage. He walked around the back of the large house and took in its beauty and thought about what a young Lorelai must have looked like running around here.

He smiled to himself as he stared up at the window he knew was one to her bedroom, "Luke?"

He stopped short. He knew that voice. He hadn't heard it much if at all in the last 8 years but he would never forget that voice. Turning, he saw Christopher standing behind him, hands in his pockets and a nervous expression on his face. He looked worried, a little lost and unsure if he should be there.

Luke cleared his throat and stepped over to him, "Um. Hi. Hi Christopher…"

Luke saw him swallow hard and look towards the house, "I came around back...didn't want to upset anyone or-"

"Were you at the cemetery?" Luke asked curiously, "We didn't see you."

Chris nodded, "In the back. Didn't want to be seen."

Luke nodded, "Christopher-"

"How are they?" He asked in a soft voice, "Rory and Lorelai. How are they holding up?"

Luke looked down, "They...are doing the best they can. Rory's a bit more fragile at the moment than Lorelai. You can see it in her face more. Lorelai's more-"

"She's tougher." Chris said with a smile, "She doesn't let them see her sweat. Never did."

Luke nodded, "Exactly."

"I'm glad that hasn't changed for her." He said with a sad smile, he looked back at Luke, "I'm uh...I'm glad you guys were able to work things out. After…"

His voice trailed off and Luke gave him a questioning look, "You are?"

Chris laughed, "I know. Hard to believe but yes. I knew all along she didn't want me. It was clear as day. But I tried anyway because she's…" He smirked, "Well she's Lorelai Gilmore. Who wouldn't try to make it work?"

Luke stood up a little straighter and couldn't help but smile. As much as he hated this man in front of him and what had happened all those years ago, he knew that Chris had a point. Anyone would have tried to be with Lorelai. She was more than worth it.

"I guess I can understand that." He said with a nod, "She is something else…" Luke looked around and cleared his throat, "I'll go tell her you're here."

Chris's face turned red, "What? No. No you don't have too-"

Luke shook his head, "I know I don't have too. But she will want to see you. It will mean a lot to her that you came."

"But-" Chris looked nervous and unsure.

Luke sighed, "You're a big part of her life and her past here...you knew Richard. You were here to pay your respects. I'm not expecting her to run off with you. I'm over that jealousy. I know her. I know what we have."

Chris took a deep breath, "You're a better man than me."

Luke looked down and started to walk towards the house. He looked around, smiled at a few people again before he spotted Lorelai in the corner. When she turned to see him, her body relaxed again, "Hey." She saw the look on his face and she frowned, "What-"

"There's someone outside who wants to talk to you." He said putting a hand on her arm, "And I think you should talk to him too."

She frowned and looked past him, "Who are you-" She paused when she saw him, "Christopher." She quickly turned back to Luke, "Luke I didn't-"

"I know." He said with a nod, "He's here because he knew Richard and he's paying his respects. And he wants to talk to you." She opened her mouth to protest but he shook his head, "It's okay."

"But…" She sounded unsure and worried, "I just-"

"You should do this." He said with a nod, he leaned forward and kissed her cheek, "And I'll be right here when you get back."

She sighed and melted into his embrace, "Thank God for you Luke."

He smiled and kissed the side of her head, "Go on. I'll keep an eye on your Mom."

When she pulled away she looked deep into his eyes, "I love you."

He smiled, he knew she didn't need to say it but it felt good to hear all the same. He bent his knees slightly and looked right back into her deep blue eyes, "I love you too."

He saw her chest rise and fall with reassurance before she turned and walked towards the back door. She gave him one last look, he gave her a slow nod to let her know he had her back and she turned and walked out the door. She saw Chris looking up at the balcony above him. The very balcony that their daughter had been conceived on.

She cleared her throat and stopped a few feet away from him, "Hi Chris…"

He turned quickly and smiled when he saw her. Over the last 8 years, they had successfully avoided each other as much as possible. "Lorelai Gilmore as I live and breathe."

She sighed and tilted her head to the side, "Hi."

He took a few steps towards her but made sure to keep enough distance between them, "Hey. I'm…" He sighed and looked down, "I hate to say sorry in these situations but what else can you say?"

She shrugged, "Not much I guess. It is what it is."

He was quiet for a moment before he lifted his head to look at her, "He was a hell of a man that father of yours. They don't make them like him anymore."

Lorelai felt the tears prickling in her eyes; she had lost count of how many tears she had shed in the last few days. "No. They don't. He was one of a kind, that's for sure."

"Remember the time he threw out Mickey Durke's father from their big New Years party? He hit on your Mom as he always did but that time your Dad lifted him up. I swear he had him by the back of his suit jacket and the man's feet were like three inches off the ground!" He lifted his hand and held it out in front of him; he started to laugh "It was like he was just floating on air from the living room to the front door. Never seen anything like it. And Mr. Durke wasn't a tiny man!"

Lorelai laughed at the memory, "No. He wasn't. All those beers gave him quite a potbelly."

"Plus the cake he'd make the cook make him when his wife would go out with her friends." Chris said with a laugh.

She laughed harder, "He wasn't small that's for sure." She paused and her lip began to tremble, "But neither was Dad…"

Chris swallowed hard, "No. He wasn't. Tall...very tall. Like a mountain...sturdy and strong."

Lorelai sighed, "He looked smaller in his hospital bed...broken."

"They say that happens towards the end." He frowned, "But I'm sure he fought like hell though. Richard Gilmore never gave up without a fight."

"No. He didn't." She wiped at her eyes, "His last words were 'Get the Hell away from me'."

"Aimed at the nurses or you guys?" Chris asked softly.

"Nurses." She said with a smile, "Only wanted Mom by his side."

Chris looked down at the ground and kicked it softly, "They were a team those two. Nothing could break them apart."

The tears fell harder now, her heart cracked as she spoke, "Except for death…"

Chris sighed and walked over, he was hesitant for a moment but gave in and pulled her into his arms, "Hey...shhh." He rubbed her back gently, "It's gonna be okay. Your Mom is strong. If anyone can do this it's her."

Lorelai leaned against his shoulder and mumbled, "My Dad's gone…"

Chris squeezed her again, "I know."

She pulled away quickly and wiped at her eyes, "God. I have to get myself together."

Chris sighed and stepped back, "You know everyone is allowed to feel sad when they lose someone they love. Even you Lorelai…you don't always have to be the strong one."

She frowned and turned back to him, "Don't I?"

"Not if you don't want to be." He said shaking his head, "You've got people to lean on if you need it. All you have to do is ask." He smiled softly, "Luke will be right there to pick up the pieces if you need him too."

Her heart jumped in his throat when she heard his name on Chris's lips, "Luke-"

"Is a much better man than I ever was." Chris said shaking his head, "He's the one you needed. Took awhile to figure that out but I get it now." He paused, "Are you happy?"

She faltered for a moment, "Right now or in general?"

He smiled, "Lorelai…"

She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around herself, "Yeah Chris. I'm happy. He's been incredible...not just now but always. He's…"

"He's your guy." Chris finished for her, she smiled and he nodded, "Good. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I hope you know that."

She sniffled, "I do." She paused and looked down, "Are you happy?"

Chris shrugged, "Sure. I've got a good life."

She frowned, "That doesn't sound so convincing."

He chuckled, "Let's just say I'm still a work in progress."

Lorelai shrugged and smiled sadly, "Aren't we all?"

He smiled, "I suppose so." He looked up at the house, "God sometimes it feels like we were just 15 yesterday...and now we're pushing fif-"

"Don't finish that sentence if you want to walk out of here with all your limbs." She said with a smirk.

He laughed and looked back towards her, "Right sorry." He smiled and shrugged, "We were so young then and yet this has all happened so fast."

"I always felt like we had more time." She said softly, "Like this part of life would never catch up to us. And now that it's here it's terrifying…"

He nodded, "I know what you mean."

She looked down, "It's strange...even when I left with Rory I knew my Dad was there. He was out there somewhere in the world and that made me feel safe. And now he's just…"

When she didn't finish her sentence, Chris nodded, "I thought he'd outlive us all too."

She took a deep breath and looked up at him, "It was nice of you to come. I know it probably wasn't easy…"

He shook his head, "I was worried it would complicate things. I didn't want to cause a scene I just…" He smiled sadly, "I wanted to say goodbye."

She swallowed hard, "To Dad?"

He stared at her for a moment, "To your Dad and…" He shrugged, "This part of our lives. Does that make sense?"

She turned back to the house and looked up at her old bedroom window, "Yeah. I think it does."

"Did you think this was how life would turn out?" He asked as they both looked up at the balcony, "Is this what you wanted?"

Lorelai smiled, "I wanted to join the Bangles and marry Bono back then Chris."

He chuckled, "So I guess that's a no."

She smiled and turned back to face him, "No. I didn't think it would turn out like this but I also can't imagine a world without Rory."

It took him a moment to compose himself before he turned to her with a sad yet composed expression, "I never said thank you."

She frowned and tilted her head to the side feeling confused, "Thank you? For what?"

Chris took a deep breath, "For raising our daughter into the amazing woman that she is."

She let out a shaky breath and looked down, "Chris…"

"I don't know how you did it. I know I was never there and I could have been. You always left that door open for me I just…" He sighed and looked back at the balcony, "I wasn't ready."

She stared at him as he stared up at the house, "I know."

"32 years later and I'm still not really ready. I haven't done right by her or GiGi and I hate that but…" He shrugged, "But I know that Rory was better off with you. You were what she needed all along."

"She was what I needed." Lorelai whispered back never taking her eyes off of him, "I was lost back then Chris. And she pulled me back to reality."

"She's a hell of a kid." He whispered before turning back to her, "Just like her Mother. And I'm so proud of her and you. I hope you know that."

She felt the tears coming again, "Thank you Chris...that means a lot."

He smiled and put a hand on her arm, "I should go. I don't want to come in and upset your Mom or Rory."

"Are you sure?" She asked, "I'm sure-"

"I sent a card to your Mom. I'll call Rory in a few days...it's probably better this way. But I did want to talk to you. Just wasn't sure if it would upset Luke." He said softly.

Lorelai smiled, "He's a good man…"

Chris nodded, "That he is. He'd have to be to get Lorelai Gilmore's heart."

She blushed, "Yeah well…"

Chris leaned forward and kissed her cheek, "Take care of yourself, okay?"

She put her hand on his arm and nodded, "You too." He smiled and began to walk away; she smirked, "Sneaking out the back?"

Chris laughed, "Sneaking out of the Gilmore mansion is a specialty of mine. Didn't you hear?"

She laughed and lifted her hand to wave, "Goodbye Christopher."

"Bye Lor." He gave her a tight-lipped smile and then walked back out the way he had snuck in.

Lorelai watched him go and felt a rush of emotions. It wasn't love or passion she felt but acceptance and gratitude. Christopher was a complicated person from her past but he would always be there somewhere because of the daughter they shared. She knew they were never meant to be a couple but she knew that he had helped mold her into the woman she was today.

It meant a lot to her that he came today to pay his respects. But she also respected that he had given everyone else their space. Life was complicated and sometimes downright painful. His words about asking for help rung in her ears. She hated asking for help. She wanted to be the strong one. She wanted to keep everything together for Emily and Rory. But she also knew this new transition wasn't going to be easy.

And Christopher was right, Luke would be right there to pick up the pieces for her when she needed him most. She felt her heart start to pound in his chest and suddenly she felt cold and lonely. She turned and walked into the house; walking through the crowds of people searching for the one person she needed most.

She smiled and said her thanks to those that offered their condolences. She wasn't surprised when she found him in the kitchen helping clean up the dishes lying around. He stopped when he saw her and kept his eyes glued to her trying to read the expression on her face. She cocked her head to the side and he nodded and followed her to the small pantry where they could be alone.

He closed the door behind them and turned to her, waiting for her to say something. But she didn't. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his middle and buried her face in his neck. He felt the tears against his skin and instantly wrapped his own arms around her, pulling her as close as possible.

"You alright?" He asked softly as he rubbed her back up and down.

She shook her head, "No."

He sighed and kissed the side of her face, "Did Chris-"

"No." She said pulling away and wiping at her cheeks, "He didn't say anything. We…" She smiled, "We had a good talk. It was…" She shrugged, "It was nice."

Luke nodded, "It was nice of him to come…"

She took a deep breath and looked up at him, "He knew my Dad back then…"

Luke nodded, "He grew up with you."

She frowned and put her hands on his forearms, needing him to hold her up, "Do you think my Dad knows that I loved him?"

Luke sighed and put a hand on her cheek, "Lorelai of course he knew that."

She leaned into his touch and tried to hold the tears in, "We weren't the type of family to say those kinds of things but maybe I should have."

"He knew." He said stepping into her again, "He knew Lorelai. And he loved you too."

She bit her lip and nodded, "Yeah...maybe…"

Luke shook his head, "Not maybe. He loved you Lorelai. You know he did. He was so proud of you too."

She whimpered, "I wasn't a very good daughter."

"Lorelai you made mistakes. We all make mistakes but you're still the most amazing woman I have ever met and I know he would agree with me when I say there is no one quite like you." He smiled softly, "You are incredible Lorelai and you're' the strongest woman that I know. I know you think you have to do this all alone but you don't have too…"

She nodded, "Christopher said the same thing. He said you would be there to pick up the pieces when I needed it most."

Luke smiled, "Well for once Christopher and I agree on something. I will be here Lorelai." He leaned into her, "I am here. For anything."

She nodded and leaned into him, "My Dad died…"

Lorelai hadn't said those words since the day she called him to tell him the news and she sounded just as broken as she had that day. He nodded and pulled her close, "I know."

She sighed and snuggled into his chest, "Does it ever stop hurting?"

He sighed and kissed the side of her head as he fried to soothe her, "It slows to a dull ache eventually...but it's always there."

She nodded and pulled away just enough to see his face, "But you'll be here…"

He nodded, "I'll be here."

She closed her eyes and breathed him in, "Thanks for not ever giving up on me Luke."

He smiled, "Like I had a choice. Couldn't ever get rid of you."

She laughed knowing he was trying to make her feel better, "And you never will."

"Good." He whispered as he leaned in to kiss her, "Are you sure you want me to take Rory to the airport? I can stay here with you if you need me too."

She shook her head, "No. I don't want her to go alone. I'll stay here for awhile and then meet you at home."

"Okay…" He whispered, "But you'll call if you need me, right?"

She smiled, "Right."

He smiled and kissed her one last time, "Good." He went to turn to walk away but Lorelai grabbed his arm, he turned back to her, "What?"

"Thank you for being so understanding. For letting me talk to Christopher...I know that probably wasn't easy for you considering-" She started.

He shook his head and smiled, "I know what we have Lorelai. He doesn't scare me anymore."

Lorelai smiled, "It was always you Luke. Always…"

He squeezed her hand and gave a wink before he turned to walk away. She took a deep breath and watched him go. Sometimes when she visited this house, she still felt like the 15 year old girl who was so lost and alone. But today, time had finally caught up to her. For the first time in her life she was coming to terms with the passage of time.

It hurt knowing her Father was gone and she knew that Luke was probably right. The pain would never go away completely. But somehow things were coming full circle. She had come through the other side even when she didn't think she could.

Somehow she had figured it out. But she also knew that this next chapter was going to be just as hard if not harder. Taking a deep breath, she pulled herself together and went to face the world again. Only this time she wasn't as scared as she had been at 15. Now she had a real partner in Luke and she knew now more than ever...he was always going to be there. Right beside her where he belonged.

* * *

 **So...what did you think? I love the Revival as it was but in my heart I felt that Chris would have been there. He wasn't always the best father or friend but he knew Richard. I kind of expected him to show up and see some sort of interaction with him between Luke and Lorelai. So this was my spin. Hope you liked it. I will write more soon as the ideas come to me. Thanks guys :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Wow! I am blown away by the reaction I got from the first installment of this. So glad there is interest in this. I will keep writing!**

 **Just a reminder that they are one-shots and not connected. They won't go in any particular order other than when I get inspired by scenes from our favorite JavaJunkie couple as I watch and rewatch the Revival.**

 **This particular installment happens right after the blowout between Emily and Lorelai during Richard's funeral. I hope you enjoy. I will try and update soon. Thanks!**

* * *

"Full freaking circle." Lorelai said as she stormed out of the house.

Standing out on the front step she felt like someone had sucker punched her straight in the stomach. How had this happened? This wasn't supposed to go like this. Yes, she had had blowouts with her Mother before. To many to count. But not like this. Not now. Not when they were both grieving over the loss of her father.

She knew she had made a mistake. She never meant to say those things but they just came out. She felt on the spot and suddenly her mind went blank and only the negative times popped up in her brain. Was that a part of grief? To go through the bad times first? She couldn't remember because she had never felt a true loss such as this.

Looking around she realized she couldn't drive. But she couldn't bare to call Luke to come pick her up and Rory was out of the question because she was already gone. Of course she was gone. She was always coming and going and damn it she missed her daughter. Taking a deep breath, she started to walk down the driveway knowing she couldn't' stand here any longer.

Lifting her phone to her ear she called a cab and waited outside the gates for them to come get her. She knew she probably freaked the poor cab driver out because she was sobbing as she tried to give him her address. She turned off her phone and tried to remember how to breathe before she lost all control.

* * *

Back at the house, Luke was starting to worry. Lorelai wasn't back yet. He had dropped Rory off at the airport and gone home as per Lorelai's instructions. He knew she wanted to stay and check on her Mom for a while but he assumed she would be home relatively early. She hadn't slept or eaten since Richard's passing. He had called her phone more than four times now and he even tried to call the Gilmore residence despite not wanting to bother Emily.

But no matter whom he called, there was no answer. He thought for a moment about calling Rory but he didn't want to worry her. She was already upset enough. With a heavy sigh, Luke realized he couldn't' wait any longer. He'd drive all the way to Hartford again just to know that she was okay if he had too. Giving Paul Anka a pat on the head, he grabbed his coat and was ready to walk out the door when he saw headlights pulling up out front.

He dropped his keys on the desk and ripped open the door. It was a cab instead of Lorelai's car. He saw the cab driver get out and Luke immediately knew something was wrong. He dashed down the steps, leaving the door wide open. He could hear Paul Anka whimpering on the top steps but he didn't turn to check on him.

"Come on Miss. You're home now." The driver said as he eased her door open.

Luke walked up behind them, "Lorelai?"

The cab driver turned to him, "She's been crying from the moment she got in. I'm hoping this is her house...I had a hard time understanding what she was saying."

Luke nodded, "This is her house." He knelt down beside her while she sat in the cab; she hiccupped through her tears, "Hey…" He whispered rubbing her knee softly, "Lorelai. Lorelai relax."

She shook her head and wiped at her eyes, "Luke…"

He sighed and stood up, he pulled gently at her arm to get her out of the cab. She stumbled slightly but he held onto her tightly so she wouldn't fall. Luke turned back to the cab driver and frowned, "Uh...I'll run in and grab some money for you. How mu-"

"Don't worry about it." The man said shaking his head, "Just...take care of her."

Luke nodded, "Thank you for getting her home safely."

The man smiled and stepped aside to let Luke walk Lorelai up the path and to the porch steps. She leaned into him as he whispered words of comfort to her just to get her into the house. Paul Anka ran in after them, circling Lorelai's legs, sensing something was wrong. "Calm down Paul Anka." Luke muttered as he walked Lorelai to the couch, "Sit down."

Lorelai practically collapsed on the couch and immediately put her head in her hands as she continued to cry. "Oh God." She mumbled.

Luke sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her, "Lorelai you're starting to scare me. Can you say something please? I've been trying to call you for a while. I thought you'd be home by now."

She shook her head and pulled her shaking hands away from her face, "I-I-turned my phone off."

Luke nodded, "Okay." He lifted his hand and smoothed her hair away from her wet face, "Okay. Just...breathe. I need you to breathe."

Her face crumpled again, "I don't know what happened. It was so fast."

Luke shook his head trying to understand what was going on, "What was fast?" He frowned, "Your Dad dying?" She started to cry harder and he cringed, "I...shit. I'm sorry. I just...I'm trying to keep up here." He scooted closer to her and pulled her into his arms, "What's going on? What happened after I left?"

She shook her head against his chest and held on tightly, "I'm so tired Luke. So damn tired."

He sighed and kissed the side of her face realizing that right now, he probably wasn't going to get any information out of her. Rather than push her any harder, he decided to hold her until she was ready to talk. It wasn't long before her sobs began to subside and her body relaxed against him. He whispered to her to let go and finally she fell asleep beside him.

Luke sighed and looked down at her limp body. She was completely drained. He couldn't ever remember seeing her this broken. The only time she came close was that terrible night all those years ago when she showed up at the Diner begging him to marry her. After everything they had gone through since then, he did everything he could to not think about that night. They had worked hard to get past it and though those memories crept up sometimes.

He did his best in the last 8 years to be the man she needed him to be. No they weren't married but in his mind they were as good as. They were partners. They had made a life together and he was happy. He was happier than he thought he'd ever be. He thought that Lorelai was too; at least he hoped she was.

The last few days had been hard. He remembered the phone call from her the day Richard went into the hospital.

* * *

 _It was the middle of the lunch rush when the phone started ringing. He almost ignored it but as he passed it, he grabbed it and held the receiver to his ear. He was juggling three dirty plates and could hear someone calling his name as he mumbled into the phone, "Luke's."_

 _He heard a sniffle first and then the voice he knew better than any other, "Luke."_

 _He stood up straighter and roughly placed the plates down on the counter beside him, "Lorelai?"_

 _"I-" She paused and he heard her make a sound like a whimper, "Mom just called. My-my Dad-"_

 _He knew what was coming next, "Are you at the Inn?"_

 _"I can't move. I've just been standing here. I was using my phone as a calculator and she called. And now...now she hung up and it went back to being a calculator. And I'm just standing here. Like an idiot because I can't move. Because I don't want to move. Because I know that this is his third major heart attack and he's older and that can't be good. And-" She was rambling as she so often did, but this time it sounded more frantic._

 _"I'll be right there. Okay? Don't move. I'm coming to you." He said searching the Diner for Caesar, "I'll be right there."_

 _"Okay." She whispered, her voice was so broken and scared but he knew that she wasn't going anywhere without him._

 _Luke felt for his keys and phone in his pocket before turning to find Caesar walking around the counter, "Lorelai's father just had a heart attack. I gotta go."_

 _Caesar's face showed shock and sympathy, "Go. Go. I got everything here. Call me later. I'll close."_

 _Luke nodded, "Thanks."_

 _He dashed out the front door, faintly heard Patty call his name but didn't turn to answer her. He climbed into the truck and whipped it into drive, steering it towards the Inn. He was there in less than five minutes; he dashed up the stairs and found Michel standing nervously next to Lorelai. She hadn't moved. She was standing stock still behind the desk._

 _Michel, who usually greeted Luke with disdain looked worried, "She hasn't said a word. I just came down here and found her like this."_

 _Luke slipped his keys into his pocket and walked around the desk to her, "Lorelai." He whispered placing a hand on her elbow, "Come on. I'm gonna drive you to the hospital okay?"_

 _She nodded slowly and let him lead her towards the door, "What happened?" Michel asked._

 _"Her father had a heart attack." Luke said as he led her towards the door, "I'll call when I know more. Okay?"_

 _Michel put a hand to his chest and nodded, "Go."_

 _Luke nodded and continued to lead Lorelai out of the Inn's front door. He helped her into the truck and ran around the side to get behind the steering wheel. They drove towards the hospital in silence. Lorelai seemed unable to form a coherent sentence. He reached for her hand and squeezed it gently to let her know he was right beside her._

 _She turned her head towards him slowly and whimpered, "Luke I'm not ready."_

 _He stopped at a red light and looked over at her, "I know."_

 _"I need to call Rory." She sniffled, "She's in London-"_

 _"When we get there and get some news I will call her." He said as he turned onto the highway. "We shouldn't call before we know anything concrete, okay?"_

 _She swallowed hard and looked down at his hand holding hers, "Luke?"_

 _He turned to her quickly, "Yes?"_

 _"Don't leave, okay?" She whispered softly, "Just...don't leave."_

 _Luke shook his head and lifted her hand to his lips, "I'm gonna be right here. I promise."_

 _He watched her take a deep breath and his words seem to calm her slightly. He turned and focused on getting them their safe and hopefully in time…  
_

* * *

Richard didn't last very long after the heart attack. He didn't ever leave the ICU. No one could say that he didn't fight though. He had insisted he was fine, yelled at the nurses and Doctors to leave him alone. He wanted to go home. But every time Lorelai met Luke's eyes she seemed to know that this time...it wasn't going to happen.

* * *

 _On that final morning, they all stood huddled in Richard's room. When the beeping escalated on the machines, Luke took Rory out of the room. He could hear Emily yelling at the Doctors to do something and he was transported back to the last moments of his own parents. He held Rory as she cried beside him. And waited…_

 _When Lorelai finally came out of the room, her eyes said everything he already knew. Rory broke down and fell into her Mother's arms. Lorelai held her close and tried to soothe her but her eyes never left his. He bowed his head and sighed, knowing that right this second Lorelai needed to be there for Rory. Things happened fast after that. Lorelai went into worker mode. She made phone calls, arrangements and preparations._

 _By the end of the day she looked like a walking zombie. She had successfully avoided Luke at all costs; he knew she wasn't ready to let it sink in. But that night when they got back to the house, they walked up stairs to the bedroom. Rory had decided to stay at her grandparents with Emily. Lorelai sat down on the edge of the bed and began to pull at the earrings in her ear. He leaned against the dresser and waited, waiting for her to come to him._

 _After a few moments of quiet, the dam broke and her shoulders began to shake. "He's gone…"_

 _Luke sighed and walked over to sit beside her. He pulled her into his arms, tucking her head under his chin; he held her close and rubbed her back. "I know."_

 _She clung to his arms, "My Dad is gone…" She cried into his chest._

 _He closed his eyes tightly and promised to be there for whatever she needed. But the only words she whispered that night were; "He's gone. He's gone…"_

* * *

After a while, Luke had dozed off with Lorelai in his arms. He wasn't sure what time it was when he woke up but when he did Lorelai was still asleep beside him on the couch. He maneuvered her so she was lying down against the pillows and stood up, stretching slightly. He went into the kitchen to check the time, it was well past 1am. He sighed and poured a glass of water for himself, and one for her in case she woke up. Then he walked back to the living room and sat down on the coffee table in front of her.

He wasn't sure she would wake up anytime soon. He'd let her sleep as long as she needed too but he wouldn't close his eyes again. He needed to be right here when her eyes opened so he could comfort her if need be. Paul Anka walked over to them and nestled between Luke's legs and the edge of the couch. He rested his head on the edge of the couch and watched Lorelai sleep too.

Luke hung his head and waited…

It wasn't long before some type of dream woke her abruptly. She tossed and turned and Paul Anka whimpered, licking her arm softly. "Lorelai…" Luke whispered.

She gasped and sat up, quickly, "What happened?"

Luke frowned and reached his hand out to her, "You're home. You fell asleep…"

Lorelai cringed and rubbed the space between her eyebrows, "My head is pounding."

Luke lifted the glass he had poured for her and held it out, "Here. Drink this. Do you want me to get you some Tylenol?"

She sat up slowly and took the glass, "No."

He watched her carefully as she pulled her legs up beside her. She pulled at the blanket on the back of the couch and draped it over her legs. She sniffled slightly and Paul Anka jumped up on the couch, resting his head on her knees again.

The worried feeling returned and Luke reached out to place his hand beside Paul Anka's head, "Lorelai. What happened?"

Her lip trembled and her voice cracked as she spoke, "I screwed up."

He stood up only to sit beside her on the couch, "What do you mean you screwed up?"

He wrapped his arm protectively around her and she leaned into his embrace, she needed to feel his warmth and strength to keep her going. "Mom kept pouring drinks...and some of Dad's friends stayed late." She sniffled, "I must have fallen asleep...I don't remember. I just remember waking up and they were all talking about memories they had of Dad."

Luke cringed; this wasn't starting off well, "Okay. So...what-"

"I tried to put other people between me but then the one guy was in the wheelchair and I couldn't' move him." She sighed, "And she asked me to say something and my mind went blank." She whimpered, "I couldn't think of anything good. Just all these moments when he was disappointed in me which let's face it…" She laughed sadly to herself, "happened a lot over the years."

He frowned and rubbed her shoulders, "Lorelai, you're Dad loved you very much."

She started to cry again, "I was a terrible daughter. I never did what he wanted. What he expected. I screwed up over and over again. He deserved better."

He sighed and pulled her head closer, dropping a kiss to her head, "Lorelai you were not a terrible daughter. You made mistakes and so did he. We're all human. But think of how far you guys came...things were much better. Especially in the last few years or so. He was proud of you. You know that."

She looked over at him; "I said terrible things about him. But I just...nothing came to my mind. All those stupid things I did back then were the only things I could think of. You should have seen the look on Mom's face. It was like the day I told them I was pregnant all over again. She looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole and pretend that she never had a daughter. Like I was the most disgusting thing she'd ever seen."

"She's grieving." Luke whispered, "She was just upset-"

"We haven't had a fight like that in years. Not that bad." She said shaking her head, "She was so upset. And I don't blame her but I really didn't mean to do that. I swear Luke. I loved my Dad. I did." She gasped.

He nodded and rubbed her arms, "I know you did. And she knows that too."

She shook her head and groaned, "She said I dishonored his memory."

"Lorelai." He said sighing pulling her closer still, "Shh…"

"She said I was a natural disaster blowing through life taking everyone down with me." She sniffled, "Even you."

As much as he knew that Emily was hurting, a part of him couldn't deny his anger when it came to hurting Lorelai. He had stood aside for so many years and watched her Mother tear her down again and again and it killed him. They had come so far in the last few years; she had even accepted him in her life, at least as much as Emily Gilmore could. Yes she was grieving, she was hurting but she also knew how to take it too far.

"Lorelai that's not true." He said softly, "You know that's not true. You-"

She turned to him quickly, "Did I ruin your life?"

He was taken aback by the abrupt change in their conversation, "What?"

She scooted away and looked desperately at him, "Did I ruin your life? Do you regret being with me? Getting back together with me?

He shook his head quickly, "What? No. Of course n-"

"But she said that I never asked you what you wanted. And maybe I didn't." She said rubbing her tired eyes, "Did I not give you what you wanted? Am I not giving you what you want now?"

Luke sighed and reached for her hand, "Lorelai-"

"I'm sorry." She said feeling the tears burning in the back of her eyes again, "I'm so sorry. I never wanted to do that to you. I wanted you to have whatever it was that you wanted. You deserve so much more. God Luke…" She hung her head, "I did this all wrong. I do everything wrong."

Luke felt his heart sink into his stomach, he hated when she got so down herself like this. She would never understand how incredible she was and she would definitely never see how happy she made him. He was happy. He had everything he needed right here in this crazy house with her and the psychotic Dog. He had April and Rory and he loved watching them grow into the women they were becoming. He didn't need more. He just needed her.

"Lorelai." He leaned in so he was beside her ear, "Hey...you didn't do anything wrong."

She whimpered and lifted her head to look at him, "I just want you to be happy. But she's right. I get so caught up in my own stuff I forget about everyone else around me. I never asked you what you wanted from me. I never stopped to let you call the shots. We got back together and you moved in and we've just...we've lived."

He reached out to touch the side of her face and smiled, "Do you know what I want Lorelai? What I've always wanted?"

She shook her head and whispered, "No."

"All I ever wanted was you." He said with a smile and a small shrug, "In whatever way I could have you. I wanted you. A life with you. And that's exactly what I got. And it has exceeded every expectation I ever had." He looked around him, "This right here. This life we have, that we share...that's all I need. You are all I need."

The tears fell hard again and she leaned forward to rest her head against his chest, "I love you."

He buried his hand in her curly hair and kissed her forehead, "I love you too. It's okay. Just breathe...everything is going to be okay."

Lorelai clung to him knowing that the only thing that would keep her steady was him. It had always been him. He was her rock. Her shoulder to cry on both literally and metaphorically. He was hers and she was his and at the moment as long as he wanted her, she was going to hold onto his words. She was going to believe that he did want her. She didn't understand why but all that mattered in this moment was that he did. Because as much as he said he needed her, she needed him even more.

* * *

The following morning, Lorelai woke up safe in her warm bed. She didn't really remember leaving the couch and going upstairs. She looked down and saw that she was dressed in one of his flannel shirts. She felt his arms wrapped securely wrapped around and she breathed a sigh of relief that he was still there. She could tell he was awake by the sound of his breathing and she knew he knew she was awake now too.

She sat still for a moment, not wanting to face the day. She wanted to stay like this just for a minute longer because, here she was safe. But finally she turned slowly in his arms and buried her face in his chest.

She felt him kiss the top of her head before whispering, "Morning."

She sighed and pulled her face away to look at him, "Hi."

Her voice sounded raw still, it didn't surprise him. She had cried a lot more last night than he could ever remember seeing her cry. He knew it was a combination of things. The loss of her Father was going to weigh heavy on her mind and her heart for a long time. Years after his own parents death and there were still days when it felt like the pain was new and going to crush his heart. For a long time he thought it would break him completely.

And then she had showed up. She had stormed into his life when he was least expecting it. Emily had called her a natural disaster. While it was true Lorelai was a force of nature, he would never compare her to a vicious and unforgiving storm from Mother Nature. Lorelai was full of life. She influenced everyone's life that she touched. She made even the grumpiest of men (himself) smile and be willing to do crazy things just to see her smile. Her energy was infectious. She loved fully and would do anything for anyone. She was a good person. She was such a good person and it killed him to think she didn't know that.

"You okay?" He asked running his hand up her back, "You slept…"

She smiled softly, "What'd you do, stay up all night to make sure I was sleeping?"

He shrugged, "Woke up a few times to just make sure you were okay."

She sighed and leaned back into him, "You're a good man Luke Danes."

When she wrapped a leg around his waist, he put his hand on her waist and smiled, "And you're a good woman Lorelai Gilmore." He felt her tense but he held her still, "Don't you ever doubt that."

She breathed him in and nuzzled his neck, "Are you going to the Diner?"

Luke shook his head and kissed the top of her head, "No. Not going back yet. I'm not going anywhere."

She squeezed him tight and slid her hands under his shirt, needing to feel his heartbeat, "I don't know what I would do without you Luke."

"I'm not going anywhere." He assured her, "I'm right here."

He felt her relax against him again and hoped that his words both last night and this morning had gotten through to her somehow. Because the truth was that he really did need her. The idea of losing her after everything they had been through was unthinkable. He knew the grieving process wasn't going to be easy...and he also knew that Lorelai had a tendency of pulling away when she was hurting. But as far as he was concerned, he was going to hold on for the both of them until she realized that this was it. This was all he needed and would ever need. She was everything good in this world and just like he decided 8 years ago, he was never going to let her walk away again.

* * *

 **Hope you liked it.  
**  
 **REVIVAL OPINIONS: In my honest opinion, the struggles between Luke and Lorelai during the revival stemmed from this fight with Emily. She made her question what they had and if she had made him happy.** **As strong as Lorelai appears to be, she's also very sensitive on the inside. She always felt like she wasn't good enough and that she was a disappointment. And I think it bothered Luke that she didn't think she was good enough. Anyway that's my Lukeish rant hahaha! I will update when I get inspired by another JavaJunkie scene or think of moments I would have liked to see. If you want to talk revival! Message me in my inbox! I'd love to chat! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys - sorry it's been a long time since I updated this. I've been super busy, and when I do find time to write I usually focus mainly on "If You EveR Want To Fall In Love". But this idea came to me last night so I decided to sit down and write it today.**

 **It is set in "Winter" after Luke and Lorelai get back to the Diner when he saves them when Kirk's car breaks down. They have they "kid" talk. And it occurred to me that maybe there was more to the story. Maybe they had tried when they got back together but it didn't work...maybe there was a reason they couldn't bare to talk about it.**

 **Warning - some very sad parts and memories.**

 **Will try and update again soon if I get inspired.**

* * *

_"Hey, Luke did you ever want a kid?"_

 _"I have a kid."_

 _"I mean a fresh kid."_

 _"What the hell is a fresh kid?"_

 _"A kid that's fresh. A kid with me. We never had a serious conversation about it, I don't think._  
 _That moment at the Twickham house, but since then I figured if you wanted another kid you would say something."_

 _"I brought it up once."_

 _"When?"_

 _"Five, six years ago."_

 _"I don't remember."_

 _"At the little league game. The kid playing right field walked off mid-inning to use the bathroom. I turned to you and I said, "That's the kid."_

 _"That's the kid""_

 _"Yes."_

 _"That's the kid" is how you say you want to have a kid?"_

 _"In so many words."_

 _"No, that is not you saying you want to have a kid. "That's the kid" is acknowledging the kid about whom you said, - "That's the kid._

 _"I thought you knew what I meant."_

 _"Impossible, because I don't speak "huh"?"_

 _"Well that's what I thought and you didn't pursue it, so -"_

 _"It was up to me to pursue it?"_

 _"No. Sorry."_

 _"Well, how do you feel about it now?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Do you still want a kid?"_

 _"Oh, well, I mean I mean, isn't it, uh, too late?"_

 _"I don't know."_

 _"Look, forget it. I have kids. I have April and I've always considered Rory to be a little bit mine, so…"_

 _"Yeah, but she was so much fun to raise. Don't you want to have that kind of fun?"_

 _"I have fun. Look at all the chairs I get to put on tables."_

 _"You don't wanna toss a ball around with your son?"_

 _"There's Jess."_

 _"I said toss a ball "with" not "at."_

 _"I'm fine."_

 _"You'll never see your kid's graduation."_

 _"I went to Rory's graduation."_

 _"It's not the same."_

 _"I know it's not the same."_

 _"I don't want you to miss out on anything."_

 _"Nobody gets to have everything they want in life. All in all, I think I did pretty good."_

Lorelai watched him get up from the counter and begin to get back to cleaning up the Diner. She stood back and nibbled on her sprinkles. Something in her heart still ached. Why was this bothering her so much? Why now?

She looked over at the little whiteboard calendar April had made Luke get years ago. She saw the date and suddenly her heart clenched in her chest. Now she knew why…  
 **  
** _ **8 years earlier…**_

 _Luke and Lorelai sat in the OBGYN office. Lorelai was laid out on the little examination table waiting. Today was the day they would see their baby on the little screen for the first time, hear his or her heartbeat. When they got back together, they had barely discussed having a family. They were too focused on trying to fix what they had so terribly broken._

 _However, when Lorelai found out she was pregnant there were tears of joy. There was an unspoken agreement that this was exactly what they both wanted. Luke was sitting beside her, his feet bouncing on the floor. She smiled and reached out to grab his hand. "Breath babe."_

 _He sighed, "What are all these machines?"_

 _She giggled, "Hon seriously...I'm fine. She's just gonna do a few little things and then we'll see our baby up on that screen there."_

 _Luke smiled, "Is it gonna look like an actual baby or like a little squishy thing?"_

 _"More like a squish thing." She said with a laugh, "But I bet it will still be adorable."_

 _"Do we find out of it's a girl or a boy?" Luke asked._

 _She shook her head, "Still too early." She paused, "But I thought you didn't want to know."_

 _He smirked a little, "I think I might now."_

 _She laughed again, "Good. Because I was going to make her tell me either way."_

 _He rolled his eyes, "Should have known."_

 _The door opened and Lorelai's doctor walked in, "Good Morning Lorelai. And this must be Luke?"_

 _"It is indeed." Lorelai said with a smile, "My handsome baby daddy."_

 _Luke rolled his eyes, "Geez…" He stuck his hand out to the Doctor, "Nice to meet you Doctor-"_

 _"Please, call me Erin." She said with a smile, "It's nice to meet you too." She pulled on some gloves and sat down on her stool, "Okay. Let's see here. This is going to be a little cold, and you may feel a little pressure."_

 _Lorelai smiled, "Been a while but I remember the drill."_

 _Erin smiled and clicked on the screen beside her, "Okay. Well then let's take a look here."_

 _Lorelai heard Luke take a deep breath as he sat down beside her again; she reached out and took his hand. He seemed to calm down slightly, but she felt his fingers squeeze around hers tightly. She smiled and looked at the screen, waiting patiently._

 _"Alright." Erin said moving the wand around, "I can see a little sac here...let me see if we can get the heartbeat."_

 _Lorelai smiled, "See that? That sac is the baby."_

 _Luke scrunched up his eyes, "Looks like a vegetable or something."_

 _"Which is ironic seeing as I hate vegetables." She said as she stuck out her tongue, "This kid better not take after you when it comes to eating habits."_

 _Luke smirked, "I'd prefer it if it did actually."_

 _She smiled and turned back to the screen, "How's it looking Doc?" She turned and noticed the expression on Erin's face, her heart thumped hard in her chest, "Erin?"_

 _Erin turned towards her, "Um...I'll be right back Lorelai. One second."_

 _Lorelai exhaled sharply, "What's wrong?"_

 _"I just want a second opinion on something." She said quickly before exiting the room._

 _Luke shifted beside her and squeezed Lorelai's hand, "What's happening?"_

 _Lorelai swallowed hard and looked at the screen again, "No…"_

 _Luke turned back to her and frowned, "No what?"_

 _The door opened again and another physician walked in, he smiled at Lorelai, "Hell Miss Gilmore. I'm just going to take a quick look here, okay?"_

 _All she could do was nod slowly and squeeze Luke's hand beside her. He leaned closer to her trying to understand what was going on. But her eyes never left the screen. He heard Erin whisper something in the other Doctors ear and he nodded slowly before turning back to them._

 _"Lorelai, I'm uh…" He sighed and sat down in the empty stool beside her, "We can't detect a heartbeat."_

 _"No." She said quickly, "No. That can't be right."_

 _He frowned, "I know that this is difficult to hear. But sometimes this just happens...there is no specific reason as to why."_

 _She shook her head again, "No. No that can't be right."_

 _Luke squeezed her hand and licked his suddenly very dry lips, "I'm sorry...but can someone tell me what the hell is going on?"_

 _Lorelai leaned her head back and sighed, "The baby's…" Her voice broke off and she started to cry harder. "Oh God…"_

 _Erin looked at Luke, "Luke I'm sorry but...the baby that is in there won't come to term. He or she...has no heartbeat. There is no sign of viable life."_

 _Luke swallowed hard, trying to wrap his mind around what was happening, "I don't understand."_

 _"Luke I'm sorry…" Erin whispered, "But the baby is gone…"_

 _A strange noise echoed in the back of his throat, he looked down at Lorelai. She had her hands covering her hands as she cried quietly. The other doctor and Erin stood up, "We'll leave you alone for a minute…"_

 _After the door closed, Luke looked back up at the little screen again. He had been expecting to see his child. Their child. He had never dreamed of this possibility. A sob from her made him snap out of his daze, he looked down at her._

 _"Hey…" He whispered as his hands shook and he reached out to here, "Lorelai...it's okay."_

 _"I lost our baby." She hiccupped, "I did this."_

 _He leaned down and kissed her head, "No. No you heard them. They said sometimes it just happens...it wasn't anyone's fault."_

 _She could hear him trying to sound confident, sure of himself and brave. But she could sense that pain, that rough sound in the back of his throat. The one that told her he was breaking inside just like her. But he was trying to stay strong._

 _For her. Just like he always did._

 _She hiccupped softly and pulled her hands away from her face, "I didn't realize how badly I wanted this until right now…"_

 _He swallowed hard and looked down sadly, "I know."_

 _She trembled slightly, "Luke it hurts…"_

 _Leaning forward, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, "I know."_

 _Neither of them knew how long they had sat there together but it felt like forever, just trying to wrap their minds around what had happened._

Back in present time, Luke was lifting more chairs up on tables. He looked at her and saw the faraway look on her face. The look he hadn't seen in years. But he knew it. Because sometimes he felt it too. He pretended not to feel that pain...they both did. It was easier that way.

And no one else even knew about what had happened all those years ago. Not about the first or second time…and the second time was worse. So much worse...

 _ **7 years earlier...**_

 _Luke had spent the last two three days in New Mexico with April. They were having a father daughter weekend for Father's Day. He had loved spending time with her, but he had missed Lorelai. Now more than ever. She was pregnant again. Just about 9 weeks along, they had told no one yet. Just in case…_

 _But Luke felt hopeful about this time around. Lorelai wasn't experiencing as much morning sickness. She wasn't anxious. She was glowing and excited. She was careful and taking all the necessary precautions. It occurred to him that next year on Father's Day...they'd have a baby to celebrate with. He imagined Lorelai parading their son or daughter into their room bright and early with some breakfast concoction. Some adorable card with the child's hand or footprint. And quite frankly...he couldn't wait._

 _Climbing the porch steps, he walked into the house. It was quiet, which was unusual. It was early afternoon and yet the house seemed strangely dark. Paul Anka did not rush to greet him. And Lorelai...she was nowhere to be seen despite the fact that her car was out front._

 _He walked into the kitchen, set down his bags and looked around. And then his eyes fell on the table. A bag, a pharmacy bag. He walked over and emptied it. Different pain meds, and instructions. The same type of instructions he had remembered from the year before and his heart sank into his stomach._

 _He turned quickly and dashed down the hall and up the stairs. He walked into their room; his eyes fell on the empty bed. She had washed the sheets the day before he left. She wouldn't have done it again so soon unless…_

 _He looked around for her, but the room was dark and empty. The bathroom door to his right was open slightly, he heard a soft cry. He swallowed hard and walked over to the door, pushed it open and saw her leaning against the tub. Her knees were pulled up against her chest, her forehead rested against them and she cried. Paul Anka was lying beside her, his head resting on her feet._

 _"Lorelai…" He whispered softly into the room._

 _She didn't lift her head, she didn't acknowledge him but he heard her whisper, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_

 _The sob pulled at his throat and he sat down beside her, pulling her into his arms, "Shhh…"_

 _"It's me. It's something wrong with me. I'm sorry Luke. God I'm so sorry." She sobbed as she clung to his shirt._

 _He closed his eyes tightly and held her, "There is nothing wrong with you." She started to cry harder, "Why didn't you call me?"_

 _She hiccupped and pulled away, pulling at the hem of her shirt she sighed, "I didn't want to ruin your weekend with April."_

 _He frowned, "But...you were alone?"_

 _She licked her chapped lips and nodded, "I woke up this morning...and I knew. I knew something was wrong. The sheets…" She cringed and lowered her head again, "I went to the hospital. They called Erin and she…" She shook her head, "She said it just happens...just like before. No real reason. Just nature's course of…" Her voice trailed off and she sighed._

 _He swallowed hard, "You should have been alone Lorelai. Why didn't you call Sookie or your Mom?"_

 _Her face crumbled again, "I couldn't. I couldn't bare it Luke. They didn't even know...and I couldn't admit it to myself." She ran her hands through her hair, "Luke…"_

 _He swallowed hard and reached out to rub her back, "It will-"_

 _"I can't do it again." She whispered softly, "I can't get my hopes up. I can't feel this pain again…"_

 _He was quiet for a moment, "We don't know that it would-"_

 _"It would." She whispered, "I feel it in my gut. It's me...maybe my age. I don't know." She sniffled, "But I can't even take the chance. And if you want to leave-"_

 _Luke gripped her tighter, "I am NEVER leaving."_

 _She glanced at him and reached out to touch his face, "I wanted this baby. For us. For you. I swear Luke I tried...I-"_

 _He reached out and put his hand over hers, "No matter what happens next, we're in this together. Okay? You and me. We're going to figure this out."_

 _Leaning over she rested her head in the crook of his neck, "I'm so-"_

 _"Shh…" He whispered as he rubbed her shoulder, his lip trembled when he felt her shake against him and heard the tears, "Shh…I'm here now."_

* * *

Luke swallowed hard and pushed the thoughts from his brain. He hated to think about that. He hated to even remember that it happened. A week after the last time...they agreed they wouldn't try again. It was too hard, and Lorelai insisted that no one knew. Not even Rory.

He knew it was her way of protecting herself but he had worried about what it would do to her, to them. Luke had pushed those feelings and emotions down. Way down. Just like he did with all his pain. It was what he had done with his parent's death, and when he and Lorelai first broke up and she married Christopher.

Yet this pain had felt different. More severe...more life altering.

Snapping out of his daze, he turned and saw her standing still behind the counter. Her lips curved downwards and he walked over to her. Wrapping his arms around her from behind, he kissed the back of her neck, "I know."

She sighed and leaned against him, "I try so hard not to think about the what if's. What would have happened if I had…" She sighed and turned to look at him, "I told myself it was better to pretend that it didn't happen. That we didn't lose…" She looked down and placed a hand on his chest, "And sometimes it works and other times like now...it comes to the surface again and it hurts Luke. It hurts so damn bad."

Luke nodded and reached out to touch her face gently, "I know."

She took a deep breath and stepped back, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought any of this up...it was stupid."

"It wasn't stupid." Luke whispered, "You brought it up for a reason."

She knew he wanted to know why, she composed herself for a moment before saying, "Do you remember that fight I had with my Mom? After Dad died?"

Luke nodded, "I do."

She sighed and leaned against the counter, "She talked about me being a natural disaster...blowing in and out of people's lives. Ruining them wherever I went." She bit her lip and frowned, "She brought up you...our relationship. Our lack of marriage and...children."

Luke sighed and leaned against the back counter, "Why didn't you tell me?"

She swallowed hard and shrugged, "I don't know. I was so angry with her...but angrier at myself I think. And I just...buried it all away again. But then being there tonight with Rory...I had to tell her about what happened that night. And it all came rushing back to me." She frowned and looked up at him slowly, "Maybe I should have tried harder. Tried again...for you."

Luke shook his head, "Lorelai, stop."

She sniffled, "I know how badly you wanted it. How bad you wanted a baby...you didn't get to have that with April."

Luke stared directly at her, "I told you before, I think I did pretty damn good."

Sighing, she stepped up to him, "Do you ever think...if we had just gotten our shit together sooner…"

He nodded slowly, "Of course I do."

"But...you're happy?" She asked in a choked voice, "Despite...despite what we don't have. Are you still...do you still?"

He nodded slowly, "You know I do. And yes Lorelai. I am happy."

She sighed and leaned forward to bury her face in the crook of his neck, "Suddenly I'm exhausted."

He nodded and rubbed her back, "Okay. Let's go home."

Pulling away, she finished cleaning up what she was doing. Grabbed the rest of her donut and turned to wait for him. Luke followed her and closed up the Diner. He held the door open for her and she climbed into the truck beside him. They rode quietly to the house; neither of them knew quite what to say.

When they got home, Luke offered to take Paul Anka out. She went upstairs and began her nightly routine, totally lost in thought. He came up to their room a short while later, and smiled at her. She climbed into bed and turned on the TV. When he came back in, he pulled the covers back and lay down beside her.

"Why didn't you tell your Mom?" He asked softly, she turned towards him, "I mean I understood then. But why not now? Maybe she'd understand...maybe it would help."

She frowned, "Or give her another reason to hate me."

He reached out and squeezed her hand, "She doesn't hate you and you know that."

Turning back to him she smiled sadly, "There was one time...when I almost told her. Soon after we lost…" Her voice hitched in her throat, "The second time…" She sighed and shook her head; "We were over at their house for their fourth of July party. She kept talking about her friend Darla and how she had just had a new grandson. How adorable he was...how he had the cutest laugh." Her eyes welled up with tears as she spoke, "And she kept looking at me...as if trying to figure out if I would react. I swear every nerve in my body was on edge. It was like I could feel the baby all over again...like it was still there but I knew it wasn't. I opened my mouth to say something...to tell her what happened and instead…" She laughed sadly, "I asked if she had any more tequila at the bar." She reached up and wiped at her eyes, "Seemed safer...easier. If I had told her...I would have had to really admit to myself what we had lost."

Luke sighed and squeezed her hand tighter, "I almost told April once."

She frowned and looked over at him, "What? When?"

He sighed, "When she called to tell me she couldn't get an extra ticket for her graduation. I was so damn excited to see her ya know? I was going to watch my kid graduate and she was so upset on the phone. And I played it off like I was fine with it which of course I wasn't." She frowned as she watched him, "And suddenly I had this image of our kid...of what could have been. And I started to say something...but all that came out was that you and I would throw her a party when she came to Stars Hollow."

She sighed and lay down beside him, her eyes locked with his as their hands met in the middle of the bed, "Do you hate me for giving up?"

Luke shook his head, "No. I get why you did." He frowned, "Because I think deep down I couldn't do it again either. Get my hopes up...feel that loss. As much as I wanted it...as much as I wanted a baby of our own I couldn't do it all again."

She sighed again and reached out for the clicker, "Life goes on, huh?"

He watched her slowly, "It's okay to feel sad. Anyone would feel that way about this...about what we…"

She settled on some old movie and nodded, she turned to see his eyes beginning to close, "I know." She reached out and rubbed his arm, "Go to sleep Luke. You woke up early today."

He reached out for her, "Are you-"

"I'm good." She said trying to sound convincing, "We're good. Go to sleep."

He sighed and rolled over, his mind was muddled trying to figure out what to say or do but nothing came to mind. So he closed his eyes to try and go to sleep, push it all down again. It's what he did best…

Lorelai turned to the TV and watched the screen aimlessly. Until some words floated to her ears and she began to wonder again...

 _"Okay, Sandy, see you then."_

 _"Who's Sandy?"_

 _"Do you have to know everything?"_

 _"I'm your best friend and business partner, so yes."_

 _"Sandy is our surrogate."_

 _"You're doing it."_

 _"We're thinking about it."_

 _"Exciting!"_

 _"I just hope it works. A baby would really help everything."_

The words slipped out of her mouth before she had time to think it through, "What about a surrogate?"

Luke mumbled in his sleep, "Huh?"

She turned and rubbed his back affectionately, "A surrogate. We never thought about other options. We just assumed it wasn't in the cards because we couldn't…" She cringed and said, "Because I couldn't…"

Luke turned back to her, "We've had this discussion before, this wasn't your fault. It wasn't anything you did."

She shook her head and said, "Luke listen to me. Just...I mean what about surrogacy? Or even adoption?"

He sighed and sat up, realizing he wasn't going to get any sleep, "A surrogate?"

"Or adoption." She said quickly, "That's an option too."

Luke rubbed the back of his neck, "Now?"

She shrugged, "Why not? I mean Luke...why couldn't we at least look into it? You want to see your kid graduate."

"I told you that I was okay with the way things were." He said quickly.

She shook her head; "You want to play ball with someone. With your son...or it could be your daughter if you wanted. You know we can have a modern girl. A tomboy. That would be cute!"

He sighed, "Lorelai…"

"I mean there are so many kids out there who need a family, right?" She asked hopefully, "We could give one of them a home...we have the room."

"Right but isn't adoption a lot of money, and a tough process? I mean don't they say it's not guaranteed?" He asked trying to keep up.

"Yeah I guess. But we could also go for the surrogacy thing." Her face brightened, "Hey! Paris is like some surrogacy guru! She's got a huge empire. Helps people all the time. Even celebrities! I bet we could call her and she'd totally help."

Luke stared at her for a moment, "Lorelai…"

She sighed and scooted closer to him, "I just...I have all these what if feelings Luke. I shouldn't and I know I said I tried to push them away. But I think they might always be there and so...why not try?"

Luke stared at her for a moment, "Surrogacy…"

She nodded, "Someone else would carry the baby…"

He frowned, "Do I have to have sex with the person?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, "Hell no. It doesn't work that way. But with surrogacy we still get our own baby...I mean if you don't want to adopt."

He frowned, "I'd want our baby…"

She nodded, "Me too. But...you know…"

He looked up at her and frowned, "Surrogacy…"

She shrugged, "Maybe it sounds crazy Luke. But...can we at least go and talk to someone? See what our options are?"

Luke looked deep into her blue eyes. For years he had dreamed of a little baby of their own. A little baby with her eyes. Those eyes that melted him, those eyes that breathed life back into him. Losing their babies had taken that dream...and maybe if he hadn't screwed up so badly back then...and she hadn't run away things would have been different. But this was their life. This was where they were and like her...he had those what ifs.

But was this right? Did it make sense to do this now?

He loved the life they had. He loved her more than he thought it was humanly possible to love another human being. Things had not turned out the way he had planned all those years ago but it was enough for him. She was more than enough for him. Every day with her was an adventure. Every moment he spent with her made him feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.

But lately, since Richard had passed away something about her seemed different. In some ways it felt like she was slipping away from him. Would a baby fix this?

She was his everything and it scared him to death to think that he could lose her. If he said no would she leave?

He didn't know how he felt about this...he had given up those dreams a long time ago. He wasn't sure if now was the right time. But the hopeful look in her eyes was so different than the devastated look he remembered from all those years before. For a week after they had lost both babies, he had lay with her in bed, held her close and they both cried. And it hurt like hell. And now he wanted to know if they still had that possibility.

Could he see himself hold a baby now? He wasn't sure...but he sure as hell could see her with one. With their baby. And so...he said-

"Okay." It came out of his mouth before he could second guess it.

Her face lit up, "Okay?"

Luke laughed a little but nodded, "Okay. We can go...we can see what this all entails. See if we can do this."

She scooted closer to him, "Luke-"

"Surrogacy...I'd want one of...of our own." He said with a trembling voice, "They way I pictured it before…"

She nodded slowly and took his hand, "I get that."

"But…" He said quickly, "I'm not saying that we are definitely doing this. We need...we need to talk about it. To discuss the implications and-"

"I know." She said quickly, "And I agree. This would just be us going to see what happens. See what our options are."

Luke frowned, "But if we are going to agree to this...if we decide to do this I need you to promise me something."

She nodded quickly, "Okay. Anything."

"I need you to remember that you did nothing wrong." He whispered and reached for her hand.

She looked down sadly, "Luke…"

"I know you think it was your fault." She cringed and tried to pull away, "Lorelai." She stopped and let her eyes lift to his, "Look at me…" She lifted her eyes to his, "I know that all these years you've walked around with this guilt. That you've felt like it was something you did. But it wasn't. It just...wasn't meant to be. You have to know that. You have to let that go."

She swallowed hard and sighed, "I felt like I let you down…"

Luke leaned forward and touched her cheek, "You could never let me down."

She breathed him in and sighed, "I love you Luke Danes…"

He smiled and rested his forehead against hers, "I love you too."

She reached out and flipped the TV off before snuggling under the covers. Luke lay down beside her and pulled her into his arms. She rested her hand on his chest and let him play with her long black curls.

"We'll be okay." She whispered softly, "No matter what happens. Right?"

Luke nodded and kissed the top of her head, "Right. We always are." She clung to him a little tighter and he gave her another squeeze, "And we always will be."

She sighed against him and let her eyes close wondering what would happen next. He lulled her to sleep like he always did when she was upset. And whatever happened tomorrow, she would be able to face because he was right beside her. He was her everything and she was his. But now she wondered if there was a possibility of more…

* * *

 **Just my take on things. I don't know why the idea popped into my head. It just...came together for me. I wish they had gone through with the surrogacy thing...but hey. Not my story to tell! Will update soon when I can.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi all! Sorry for the delay again. These one's sort of just pop into my head at the most random times. Like this one did on my drive to work this morning. This takes place during the Spring episode. After Lorelai goes to therapy and Emily decides to stop going. What happens after she starts to talk to Claudia about Luke. Changes certain aspects of the rest of the Revival but it was just something that popped in my head.**

 **I loved the Revival as it was. I really truly did. So just remember that this was just something that popped into my head. Thanks!**

* * *

 _"Come in!"_

 _"Sorry, I'm late. These drive-through coffee places? Love the concept. But Heather and I? We're gonna need to rehearse the cup pass a couple more times." Lorelai mumbled, she glanced around then said, "Oh, my mom's late, too?"_

 _Claudia smiled and said, "I haven't heard from her."_

 _"Really?" She reached for her phone and said, "She doesn't usually pick up the phone when she's driving, but"_

 _"Hello?" Emily answered._

 _Surprised, Lorelai said, "Oh, Mom, are you on your way?"_

 _"No, I'm at home." Emily said in a bored voice._

 _Lorelai frowned in confusion, "It's Tuesday."_

 _Emily sighed, "I know what day it is."_

 _Still confused Lorelai pushed on and rambled as she did when she was nervous, "Well Claudia and I are here. Just the two of us. The couch cushions are fluffed. The candle's lit."_

 _"I'm quitting." Emily interrupted._

 _Lorelai scoffed, "What?"_

 _"I'm done. I'm not coming anymore." Emily answered simply._

 _"Why?" Lorelai asked in frustration._

 _"We've had six sessions, and you are no different." Emily mumbled._

 _Lorelai's mouth hung open, "What?"_

 _"And that woman isn't helping." Emily pushed on._

 _Lorelai's head was spinning as she tried to keep up, "Who, Claudia?"_

 _"She's a dolt. I don't need to pay someone not to agree with me." Emily huffed._

 _Lorelai sighed, "But-"_

 _Emily ignored her and said, "I'm not coming. Sorry you made the trip. Goodbye."_

 _Lorelai dropped the phone and looked over at Claudia in disbelief, "She quit."_

 _"I'm sorry." Claudia responded, not all that surprised by the news._

 _"She started this whole damn thing." Lorelai said angrily._

 _Claudia shrugged, "It happens."_

 _"I just…" Lorelai paused, "With no notice?"_

 _"It's not unusual." Claudia reassured her._

 _"She said I was no different. Me. This wasn't for me. This was for her." Lorelai huffed and sat down on the couch_

 _"People have expectations when they come here. Very often, the reality is different." Claudia said with a smile._

 _What sort of transformation did she expect? I come in here Lorelai Gilmore, and two months later, I walk out Queen Latifah?" Lorelai grumbled._

 _Claudia laughed, "Probably not Queen Latifah."_

 _"Oh, she is amazing. She smoked me out, got me here "I'm no different. " Different? She doesn't even know who I am." Lorelai argued._

 _Claudia raised an eyebrow, "Are you - ?"_

 _"Am I Staying?" Lorelai asked, "Oh. No, I've got a million things to do."_

 _Claudia nodded, "Oh, okay."_

 _Lorelai frowned, "I mean, I should just go, right?"_

 _Claudia smiled; she could tell Lorelai had things she wanted to say, "Well, the hour's paid for. Anything you want to talk about?"_

 _"Uh, no. No, nothing. Wait, my mother's crazy. Okay, now nothing." She paused and then continued, "I don't know. It's been weird lately."_

 _Claudia settled into her seat and asked, "How so?"_

 _"Uh, this whole thing was supposed to be grief therapy. You know, my mother's grief therapy, because of Dad. Because of Dad dying I get it. It was a stunner. It was a stunner for all of us." Lorelai whispered._

 _"Yeah, she talked about it." Claudia answered with a slow nod._

 _Words started to spill from Lorelai's mouth before she could stop them, "It was just so fast. I was at the inn, working on the books a little, using the calculator on my phone and it rang. And it was Mom with the news. He was in the ICU. Heart attack. Big one. And we hung up. And my phone went back to being a calculator. It just seemed so unreal. You can't plan for these things. And he never got out of the ICU. He was conscious at times, but in and out. And he was angry. He was really angry. He couldn't believe it. He's Richard Gilmore. This is not how Richard Gilmore goes down. You know what his last words were?"_

 _"No." She answered sympathetically._

 _"Get the hell away from me. " Aimed at the nurses, not not us. It was actually pretty funny. And then just like that. I didn't get that moment, you know? That Lifetime movie moment, "I love you, Lorelai. " "I love you too, Dad. " Mom didn't get it either." She paused and whispered, "Fifty years. They were married 50 years." She paused again, "That thing she said last week, about me and Luke. About us being partners, because we're not married." She huffed, "Like we're a comedy team…"_

 _Claudia responded, "Feels like it struck a chord."_

 _Lorelai laughed sadly, "My mother strikes more chords than Esa-Pekka Salonen."_

 _Claudia nodded and continued, "Hmm. Lorelai you should know many people have full, lasting emotional relationships without being married."_

 _Lorelai sat up a little straighter, "I know."_

 _"Do you want to be married?" Claudia asked curiously._

 _Lorelai frowned, "I've been married." She paused and smiled sadly, "You didn't know that. To Rory's father. It was brief. We have had a long, complicated relationship. And it didn't end badly. It just ended because it shouldn't have happened." Her eyes welled up with tears as she whispered, "It was supposed to be Luke. It was always supposed to be Luke."_

 _"If it was always supposed to be Luke…?" Claudia questioned._

 _"Then why aren't we married?" Lorelai finished for her._

 _Claudia nodded, "Why?"_

 _"I just don't do things like my mother." She said defensively, "Dinner the other night…"_

 _"What happened?" Claudia asked._

 _Lorelai responded simply, "She attacked Luke."_

 _"How?" She asked._

 _"With a bag of money." Lorelai said._

 _"I don't get it." Claudia said trying to keep up._

 _Lorelai sighed and said, "It was money my father put aside for Luke to spend on something Luke doesn't want. That my father can still hover like that." She paused and thought for a moment before saying, "We're happy." Another pause, "He's very happy." She waited a moment and then said simply, "Luke and I are happy."_

* * *

Lorelai drove home in a bit of a daze. She couldn't believe her Mother had quit therapy.

Well...yes technically she could believe it. And she did believe it. What she didn't believe was that after her Mother had left she had stayed. Lorelai had stayed. She talked about things. She let them come flying out of her mouth. Things about her Mother. Things about her Father, Rory too. And even...even Luke.

Stopping at a red light, she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. Why was it so hard to talk about Luke? He was her partner. He was her guy. Wasn't he? Just because they weren't married after all this time didn't mean anything.

Right?

She sighed and pulled onto her street and up behind Luke's truck.

Everything about their relationship was so familiar. And she loved that. She loved him. She was happy. She really was. She couldn't imagine her life without him. And after everything that had happened when April showed up and then her nightmare with Christopher...she was just damn glad that Luke even looked at her again let alone gave her a second chance.

But why was it that after all this time they were still in the same spot? Yes Luke lived with her. He moved in soon after they got back together. And it hadn't been easy. The first few months were hard. Really hard.

There was yelling. There were tears. There were times when they both ran out screaming saying it wasn't worth it. And yet...they always came back. Maybe a few hours later, sometimes only minutes after but they always did come back. It was like after all their time apart they couldn't stand the idea of letting any more time pass.

And yet time had passed. Years had passed and here they were. Happy and in love yes...but still just together. They weren't married. They never had their own kids. And that was okay...it was. If this was what she had with him for the rest of her life, she would be okay with it. Because he was Luke. He was her Luke. Her everything.

But did he know that?

Sighing, she pulled the key out of the ignition and climbed out of the Jeep. Grabbing her bag, she closed the door behind her and walked up the front steps to go inside. She could hear Luke rummaging around in the kitchen. She threw her keys on the little table beside the door and walked towards the sound. She smiled when she saw Paul Anka sitting at Luke's feet begging for whatever it was that he was cooking.

"It's too hot Paul Anka." Luke said with a sigh, "I can't-" He sighed again when Paul Anka whimpered and Lorelai's smile grew, "I'm not blowing on it like Lorelai does. You're a dog. Not a child." Paul Anka whimpered again and he frowned, "Fine." He lifted the meat out of the pan and said sternly, "If you tell anyone about this we're getting a cat."

"No we aren't." Lorelai said with a smile from her spot by the counter.

Luke jumped and sighed, "Geez Lorelai. Way to give me a heart attack."

She smiled and dropped her bag down, "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

"S'okay." He said with a shrug, as he turned off the burner, "How did it go today?"

She frowned a little and then walked over to sit at the table. Luke watched her carefully and noticed how defeated she looked. He couldn't imagine that therapy in general was fun, let alone therapy with Emily Gilmore. Despite how he felt about the woman, he knew that Lorelai's relationship with her was even more complicated than he would ever understand. When she didn't respond he began to worry.

Since Richard's death, something in this woman he loved had changed. He knew that was normal. It was to be expected. He more than anyone knew the pain of losing a parent. He imagined the loss of a parent that you had a difficult relationship with was even harder. Wiping his hands on a towel, Luke walked over and sat beside her.

"Hey…" He whispered softly, "What's up?"

She fidgeted for a moment before asking, "Can we go for a drive?"

He sat up a little straighter, "A drive?" She nodded slowly but didn't say anything, "Um...okay. Sure. To where?"

She shrugged a little, "Honestly? Anywhere. I don't care. I just...I need to get out of the house for a bit. I need some air."

Luke looked back at the stove, not that he cared much about the food at this point. Clearly she was struggling with something and he would do whatever it took to help her through it. In the course of their relationship he had often struggled with how he should or could help her in these types of situations. But he hoped he would do anything she asked him to do.

Standing up he put his hand out and said, "Let's go."

She let out a little sigh of relief and let him pull her up onto her feet. She smiled when he stepped all the way into her and pressed a kiss to her lips. He gave her hand a squeeze and double-checked the stove before pulling her back towards the front door. He grabbed his keys and his jacket before leading her out onto the porch. He held the door of the truck open for her as he had done so many times before and she climbed into the passenger side.

Luke walked around to the driver side door and climbed in beside her. He pulled out of the driveway and made his way towards town with her sitting quietly beside him. He figured he'd drive until she told him she was ready to talk or go home. Whatever she needed. He was there.

He glanced at her occasionally and saw that she was resting her arm on the windowsill. She glanced out the glass, he couldn't see her face but saw a slight reflection staring back at him. She wasn't crying which was a good sign. But she did look sad. Needing to feel something, he reached across the seat and took her hand in his.

She turned and gave him a little smile, which prompted him to lift her hand to his lips. He pressed a kiss to her knuckles and she sighed, resting her head against the back of the seat before resting their hands in her lap. She put her other hand over his and traced little patterns along his rough skin as she looked back out the window.

Content with the contact for now, Luke focused on driving to let her have her moment to think.

* * *

They drove and drove as the sun began to sink further down. The trees passed by in a blur but still Lorelai didn't say much. Luke often needed her to speak first in order to know what to say. He wasn't good with words. She generally took care of that part of their relationship for them.

Except for during that dark time when he had pushed her away and she had been broken. Something about her demeanor made him think about that time. He shivered slightly and hoped she would say something soon.

Finally, Lorelai spotted a little park and pointed to it, "Pull over."

He was surprised at first when he heard her voice after such a long silence. But he did as she asked and pulled into a dirt parking lot. He waited after he parked the car; she offered him a small smile before climbing out of the truck. Luke followed suit and joined her at the front of the truck. She slipped her hand into his and began to walk along the grass leading towards a small pond to their left.

They walked quietly, content with being together. He wanted answers. He needed them really. But he knew better than to push her. So...he waited.

He waited like had had done for so long.

For so many years he had waited for the right time to make a move. Always worrying that it would blow up in his face. And in some ways it did...but they had found their way back to each other. Somehow or another they figured it out. Despite how hard it was. Despite how painful it had been...they had made it work. And they were here now.

As they approached the edge of the pond, Lorelai faltered slightly. She looked out at the setting sun over the water and whispered, "Are you happy?"

Her statement confused him; he turned his head towards her and asked, "What?"

She frowned, kicked at the dirt at her feet and then turned back to him, "Are you happy?" She asked again in an even softer voice, "With...with your life? With _our_ life?"

Luke took his hand from hers and nervously shoved both of his hands in his pockets, "Of course I am." She nodded slowly and looked back at the water, when she didn't say anything he got nervous and the words burst from his mouth before he had time to think, "Are you unhappy?"

She turned her head again with wide eyes, "Oh! No! No. No Luke. That's not-" She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, "Man...I really do need therapy after all."

Luke frowned, and shifted his weight from foot to foot, "Lorelai what is going-"

"My Mom quit therapy." She answered quickly, he gave her a strange look, "She didn't show up to our appointment today. It was weird. And I was going to leave...but then I didn't. And I…" She sighed and grimaced slightly, "I just blabbed and blabbed to Claudia about everything." She laughed a little, "About nothing too." She sighed and looked down, "It all just came flying out like it had been trapped in there for so long."

He took a deep breath, "Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe you needed to get it all out."

She nodded slowly, "Yeah...maybe."

He waited for a moment before asking, "Stuff about your Mom?" She nodded, "And Dad?" She nodded again.

"And…" Her voice trailed off before she finished her sentence.

"And?" He asked curiously, "Rory?" She shrugged then gave him a meaningful look. He let out a little puff of air, "Us?"

Her face fell slightly, "Yes…"

Luke swallowed hard and looked out at the little pond, "Okay…"

She was quiet again, unsure of what to say or how to even start a conversation. She didn't want him to take anything personally. She didn't know how to go about this or what she even wanted to say.

When she didn't respond again, Luke began to panic. He kicked at the ground and then turned to her and spat out, "Did you drag me out here to end this?"

She sighed and looked down, "Luke no-"

"Because if you did...that's pretty shitty." He said in a frustrated voice, "Especially since I'd have to drive you back. Because we both know no matter how devastated or upset I was I'd never leave you out here. That's not who I am." He said pointing at his chest.

She smiled softly, "No. It isn't."

"I mean Jesus Lorelai." He rambled again, as if he hadn't heard her initial response, "After every thing we have been through. All the crap we had to endure...you want to do this now?"

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, "Luke sto-"

"I waited for 8 years." He said in a raw voice, "Eight damn years Lorelai."

She frowned, "I didn't ask you to wa-"

"No. Maybe you didn't. But you weren't ready." He shrugged, "And hell maybe I wasn't either but I still waited."

She sighed again, "Luke-"

"There was Max, and Rachel." He said with hands flailing, "And then I thought maybe there was a chance but you asked me to teach you to fish."

"What?" She asked trying to wrap her mind around what was going on.

"You named the damn fish in the kiddie pool and you told me you were going fishing with some guy." He said with a huff.

"I-" She was trying to remember, she sighed, "Oh. Right. Yeah. But what does that have to do with anything?"

"I asked out Nicole because of that." He said quickly, "I started dating her because I gave up on you."

She stepped back and gasped, "Excuse me?"

He sighed, "I realized that waiting around was stupid because you didn't want me. So I figured I'd try and move on. So I asked her out."

She frowned, "You asked her out because I asked you to teach me how to fish for some guy?"

"Yes." He said quickly, "It seemed like the right thing to do."

She frowned at him, "And did getting married while drunk on a cruise ship seem like the right thing to do too? You gonna blame that one on me as well?"

He huffed, "Lorelai-"

"I didn't force you to marry her. You could have said something if you were that hung up." She yelled back.

He frowned, "That's not-" He shook his head and came up with a quick retort, "Well you started dating the putz with the Mercedes."

She laughed, "Yeah. Because you were married."

Luke's eyes widened, "What?"

She shrugged, "Quid pro quo. You had her and I didn't want to be alone."

Luke huffed, "What is wrong with us?"

She smirked and looked down again, "I have no idea. But clearly a lot."

They were quiet again, trying to get back on the same page. Suddenly fear crept up into Luke's system again, "And then we finally did it."

She looked up at him, "Dirty."

He rolled his eyes, "Lorelai…"

She frowned and looked away, "Sorry…"

"We were together." He said ignoring her comment, "We figured it out and it was so good. Until…"

"Luke-" She said with a little rawness in her voice.

"And I know I screwed up too. I pushed you too it but damn it Lorelai." He said in anger, "I watched you marry Christopher. I had to sit back and watch all that unfold and it was the hardest damn thing I've ever done. It hurt like hell. Trying to fix it afterwards hurt even more." He said with a pained voice, "But I did it." He grabbed her hand and whispered, "We did it."

She sighed and looked directly into his eyes, "Luke-"

"And I know that I'm not the easiest guy to get along with. I'm grumpy and irrational and I don't always understand your movie references and I hate that you drink as much coffee as you do." He said with a huff, "But I will never ever leave you. I won't even think about leaving you! You and me...I never dreamed it could be this good. Even in all those 8 years of waiting I didn't think we'd be like this. But we are. We have this life. We've built this life despite everything that came our way. We did it. Doesn't that mean something to you?"

"Of course it does." She said in a hurt voice, "You know it does."

"Then how can you think about walking away?" He asked angrily, "I mean I know after your Dad died things have changed but Lorelai…" He shook his head and stepped away slightly, "You can't do this. You just can't. I won't let you throw this away."

She watched the way his shoulders lifted up and down with his heavy breathing. She could sense the tension, the fear and hurt built up in him. Somehow it matched her own. Their life was good and she was happy. But there was so many things that they both kept bottled up inside out of fear. Fear of losing each other. Fear of breaking this thing they had created. This thing they had fixed time and time again.

She couldn't let it break this time around.

And she wouldn't.

Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close. He stood still for a moment, unwilling to give into her embrace. But finally she felt his body relax and his arms wound around her waist. She felt him bury his nose in her thick hair and breath in, something he so often did when he was upset. She pulled the hair sat the base of his neck and whispered, "It was always you Luke."

He untangled his face from her hair and asked, "What?"

She pulled back enough to see his face, but made sure to keep body contact with him to ease his tension, "You. It was always supposed to be you. It is you."

He sighed, "Lorelai I'm really freaking out here I need you to make sense. Are you leavi-"

"No." She said quickly, giving him a little squeeze, "Absolutely not. I will never leave you."

He let out a little sigh of relief and felt his knees buckle slightly, "Lorelai…"

She smiled and pointed towards the grass, "Come here. Come sit."

They sat together on the little patch of grass, reeling from all that had been said. She could feel that he was still tense beside her, so she grabbed his arm and placed his hand in her lap. She traced circles on the top of his hand and he whispered her name, "Lorelai…"

"I'm not leaving you." She answered giving his a hand a squeeze, "I'm sorry I made you think that."

He frowned and whispered, "Sorry. Your behavior was sort of reminiscent of…"

She swallowed hard, "The night I gave you the ultimatum?"

Luke nodded, his cheeks flushed red, "Yes. Probably one of the worst moments of my life. Until…"

"Until I told you about Christopher." He didn't respond but he didn't really have too. She sighed and turned all the way towards him, crossed her legs in front of her and whispered his name, "Luke…"

"If you aren't leaving...then what did you talk to her about?" He asked nervously, "What about us?"

She sighed and looked down at his hands, "My Mom has made a lot of remarks recently about the fact that you and I aren't married." She felt him stiffen beside her, "And today...I was sitting there thinking about it all."

Luke frowned and fidgeted, "Lorelai-"

"My parents were married for 50 years." Her voice cracked as she spoke, "Fifty years Luke. That's a hell of a long time."

He swallowed hard, "Yes it is."

"And I…" She sniffled, "I never really let it bother me that we weren't married. Especially after we got back together." She laughed sadly, "Hell I was just so damn happy you'd even look at me again that I was willing to do whatever you wanted me to do. And so...we just...we co-existed."

"Is that what we're doing?" He asked softly, "Coexisting?"

She frowned, "I don't know. I mean we have a life together. You moved in when we got back together. Gave up the apartment. We do everything together. We have a joint bank account. We celebrate every holiday together. I drag you to town events and you try and hide vegetables in my food to make me live longer. That must mean you want me sticking around."

He chuckled, "I do. You know I do."

"We're partners." She answered holding his hand firmly in hers; "You aren't just my boyfriend...that seems so trivial at our age." She sighed, "You're…" Her voice trailed off for a moment, she cleared her throat and lifted her eyes to meet his, "You're the love of my life."

Luke let out a shaky breath and reached his hand to brush back her hair, "Lorelai-"

"I know that sounds cheesy and you hate cheesy." She said with a shake of her head, "But it's true. You were right Luke. We've been through so damn much. More than I ever envisioned and despite all the crap we've been able to stick to it. It wasn't easy...but we did it. And I'm so glad we did."

"Am I sensing a but here?" He asked in a soft voice.

She shook her head and said, "No. Not really."

"Not really?" He asked nervously, "Not sure how I feel about that."

"I don't need a ring to know that you're the one." She said with a shrug, "I thought that once. When we got engaged before...I thought that the ring and the ceremony made us a couple. I thought we needed that to prove that we were supposed to be together."

"And now?" He asked softly.

She smiled, "And now I don't need that. I don't really care what anyone else thinks about our life. I know what we have Luke. If we didn't want this we would have given up years ago. I know you're the one. You're my one."

He stared into her eyes for a moment, "Lorelai...you've always been the one. Everyone knows that." He smirked, "Hell Rachel and Nicole knew that."

Lorelai smiled and looked down, "So did Max. And even Christopher…"

"We're just stupid." He whispered in a joking voice.

"Incredibly stupid." She said with a smirk, "We suck sometimes."

"We do." He nudged her gently, "But at least we suck together."

She laughed and reached her hand up to wipe a tear away, "Luke…"

He smiled, "Sorry." He held her gaze for a moment before asking, "I mean...is marriage something you want though?"

She frowned, "I don't know. I suppose when we got back together I was so focused on fixing everything that the idea of marriage for us was so far away. And then suddenly all this time has passed and now it seems silly in a way." She shrugged, "I mean we've both been married before."

Luke frowned, "I'm not sure those marriages really counted."

She smiled, "Technically in the eyes of God and law they did."

"Well they didn't count for me." He said in a gruff, stubborn voice.

She smiled, "Okay."

He lifted his head to her, "Okay?"

She shrugged, "We can get married if you want to get married."

He shifted again, "What?"

"We don't have too." She said with a smile, he looked confused, "I'm not explaining myself very well, am I?"

He rubbed the back of his head, "Trying to keep up…"

She smiled and reached her hand out to smooth back the creases on his face, "Luke I love you. In some ways I have loved you before I even realized it. Today in Claudia's office…" She shrugged and said, "All these emotions and fears came flooding into my brain. And for a moment I thought there was something wrong with us because we never did get married. But then…" She shrugged, "I thought about my marriage to Christopher. And yours to Nicole...those pieces of paper and rings didn't make a marriage Luke. They didn't make a real partnership."

He shook his head, "No...they didn't."

"What we have is real." She whispered, "It is so real. It's more than I ever could have dreamed of having. Because you have always been right there when I needed you and I never had that before. To be honest it's probably part of the reason I kept you at an arm's length for so long before we did cross that line." She admitted.

"Why?" He asked curiously.

"Because despite how I felt about you...the fear of losing you in my life completely was more intense than that love or wanting to try to make it work. I need you Luke. I've always needed you. When we were apart I was a mess. I was miserable. Nothing made sense." She frowned, "That was what I had been afraid of for so long. And so maybe self consciously when we got back together I just needed it to be good between us. I needed it to be safe so that you would stay. So that I wouldn't screw up. So I didn't push the marriage thing."

He frowned, "Okay...but now?"

"And now I realize I don't need to be married to you to know that there is no one else in the world I would rather be with. I mean if you asked me to...I'd marry you right this second. But only if it's something you want too." He still looked lost and she smiled, "What I'm trying to say and clearly failing miserably at…" She said with a laugh, "Is that I am happy with our life. I am happy with you." She leaned forward and rested her forehead against his, "And I know I don't say it enough and I know we're not one of those mushy gushy couples but I do love you Luke Danes." She paused for a moment and added, "I hope you know that. I need you to know that."

Luke breathed her in and placed his hands on her elbows, "I do know that. And I love you too. I hope that _you_ know that. I hope I've made that clear over the years."

She smiled and pulled back again just enough to see his face, "You have. The chuppa, $30,000 dollar loan, taking care of my kid, building an ice rink and forgiving me at my worst moments kind of proved that to me."

Luke chuckled, "Well that's good."

She smiled and sat up a little straighter, "Good. I'm sorry I dragged you all the way out here for this. I just needed some air...needed to clear my head. Claudia made me unlock some serious vaults today."

Luke smirked, "Lord knows there's plenty of them in that brain of yours."

She glared at him playfully, "More than you even realize my friend."

He smiled softly at her, "I figured as much."

She sighed and pushed herself off the ground, "Now that we've covered the emotional breakdown portion of our evening...we can head home. Paul Anka is probably still waiting for that meat you were blowing on." She paused and then laughed, "Wow that was so dirty!""

Luke watched her stand up and take a few steps forward, stretching as she went. And in that moment she was everything. She always had been but something seemed to fall into place. For nine years now he had wondered if there would ever be a moment to propose. Like her he had been almost afraid of getting to that point if only to see it crumble all over again. It seemed easier to keep it the way it was. Safer. But maybe they did deserve more.

He didn't need a ring on her finger to prove that she was the one. He didn't need her to say yes to know that she loved him. She was right. They were partners. In every sense of the word. And yes they had their faults. And yes they had things they had to fix. But the mere fact that they were still here after all this time proved they were meant to be together.

So no...Luke Dane's didn't need her to be his wife to prove anything.

But damnit he wanted it.

"Lorelai." He said her name softly, she barely heard him.

"If you want we can stop for food on the way home so you don't have to cook." She said still not looking at him.

He sat up on his knees and reached for his back pocket, "Lorelai…"

"Gypsy said there is some new Italian place that makes great pizza somewhere around here. We can try that." She said still ignoring him.

"Lorelai." He tried again desperately.

She turned towards him, "Or we cou-" She stopped when she saw that he was on one knee in front of her, "What are you doing?"

He smiled and reached into his wallet, "I don't need a ring. I don't need a marriage license to prove anything either. But…" He shrugged, "I still want that."

She gasped and put her hand over her lips, "Luke-"

"And if you say no...if you just want to keep things the way they are than fine." He said with a little smile, "I'll pull myself up off this ground and I'll be okay. I'll still love you. I'll still be there for you. I'll still be 100% committed to us." He shrugged, "But...if you say you want to marry me too then I'll do all those things **and** I'll get to call you my wife."

Tears welled up in her eyes, "Luke…"

"I don't have a ring with me." He said with a sigh, "But I still have your old one at home...I can get you a new one if you want."

"You don't have too." She said with a little shake of her head.

"But I do have this old horoscope." He said with a smirk lifting the worn piece of paper up into the air, "I've had it since the day you gave it to me." He paused and whispered, "And I'll have it for as long as I live." He smirked, "In fact I demand to buried with it."

She giggled, "Luke-"

"So what do you say?" He asked tilting his head to the side, "You wanna marry this old grump? You wanna make an honest man out of me once and for all?"

She smiled and took the horoscope from him reading her faded handwriting, "You will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away."

Luke smirked, "Lucky for me...she didn't go away."

She sighed happily and reached one hand to touch his face, "And I never will."

He stared up at her hopefully and asked, "Does that mean-?"

"Yes Luke." She answered simply, "I will marry you."

Luke beamed up at her and stood up quickly, ignoring the ache in his old bones. He pulled her flush against his body and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he crushed his lips to hers. She giggled when he pulled away, "It just felt-"

"Right." Lorelai whispered against his lips as she kissed him again, he nodded in response, "Yes. It does."

He sighed and breathed her in, "God I love you."

She smiled and held the horoscope in front of his face, "This proves it."

"Lorelai." He said with a smirk.

"And I love you too." She said nuzzling his cheek, "More than you will ever know."

Luke sighed and pushed back her hair, "Was this okay? I mean I know everything you just said and I agree with it but-"

She smiled, "But it's still nice."

"We gonna do it this time?" He challenged with a soft stare.

She glared at him, "We better. Otherwise I'm digging the grave and throwing you and this damn horoscope in."

Luke shook his head; "Only way out of it this time is in a body bag."

She laughed, "Now we don't have to write our vows."

Luke smiled, "Imagine what your Mom will think."

She rolled her eyes, "Let's just get married in the Diner and let her totally lose her mind. I'll walk in wearing one of your flannel shirts and I'll carry ketchup and mustard as my bouquet."

"You're exhausting." He said with a laugh, "Totally and completely exhausting."

"And yet after all this time...you still don't want to get rid of me." She said in awe.

"I'm kind of used to you by now." He said with a shrug, "I like things simple. I get a routine and I keep it. You're part of the routine." She started to laugh, "Wake up, open the Diner, pour the crazy lady coffee, feed Kirk and make a second burger to replace the one he drops. Kiss the crazy lady, remember how lucky I am, think about how amazing she is and make sure she doesn't run for the hills. Go to sleep and repeat."

She sighed and traced the scruff on his cheek, "Sounds like you've got it all figured out."

Leaning forward he whispered, "So...about that pizza. How bad do you want it?"

She smiled and started to pull his hands back, "I don't necessarily want it right this second…" She smirked, "But we should probably get some to go. We're going to need our strength."

"Is that so?" Luke whispered as she walked him backwards.

"Yeah. We have a lot to celebrate." She said pulling him with her as they walked back towards the car.

Luke smiled as he watched her go, "Yeah...we do."

She flashed him that million-dollar smile again and he knew that after all this time, they were right where they were supposed to be. It may have taken longer than some people thought it should but it didn't matter. They were doing what was right for them.

And it was time.

It was definitely time. 

* * *

**So hope you liked it :) I loved Luke's speech in the kitchen. I loved how it all happened. But I did want them to talk more. I probably will do an extension of the real proposal scene at some point too. This was just a spin on things.**

 **I really do feel like one of the reasons they weren't married yet was they realized they didn't need a ring to prove anything. They did love each other. They had flaws but they were always meant to be together.**


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